You've done the work. So why is the inner critic so loud?

By Evie Wright

A few weeks ago I found myself staring at a Canva brochure, unable to write a single word. 

The brochure was for a new business I’ve been gently building in the corners of my life. It held all the things I love most: yoga, nature immersion, mindful movement, conversations beneath trees. 

And yet there I was, cursor blinking. 

Who do you think you are? 

Nobody is going to pay for this. 

You’re crazy for taking this on!

The voice arrived quickly and with surprising force. 

For years I’ve sat behind the scenes helping thought leaders launch programs, fill events, and bring ideas into the world. That work has always felt safe. There’s a clear role, a script, someone else’s definition of success to orient around. But this brochure wasn’t for someone else. I’m stepping out on my own now. And, as it turns out, there was a part of me saying this wasn’t safe enough. 

As I sat there with the cursor blinking, I tried everything I knew. 

I tried talking to myself like a wise and kind friend. I tried giving myself a hug. I tried finding the floor and breathing. 

The voice just got louder. 

And then I remembered what I had learnt from Dr. Kristin Neff. This wasn’t a failure in self-compassion. It’s what she calls the self-compassion backdraft. It’s like opening a door to a room on fire: instead of going out, the flames get a second wind from the fresh oxygen. The kinder you try to be to yourself, the harder the inner critic sometimes fights back. 

Okay great. So I’m no failing at self-compassion. Check. 

Cursor still blinking… 

The brochure wasn't going to write itself just because I'd named what was happening. So I sat with a different question instead. 

What would success even look like here? 

Dr. Carol Dweck’s research suggests that many of us move through life with a fixed definition of success. We either get the gold star or we don’t. We either succeed or fail. We either have what it takes or we don’t. 

Looking at that brochure, I realised I was doing exactly that. 

Success meant people working with me. Success meant making money. Success meant proving I could build something of my own. Success meant not looking foolish. 

No wonder I felt paralysed. I was trying to control an outcome that hadn’t happened yet. 

What Carol’s work reminded me is that there are other ways to measure success. 

What am I learning? 

What skills am I building? 

What progress am I making? 

What relationships am I strengthening? 

What am I enjoying about the process?  

Suddenly the brochure looked different. 

I started to write… 

Finishing the brochure also showed me something else. Even with all that reframing, my inner critic had said some pretty unkind things on the way there. And the self-compassionate part of me — the part that kept showing up, kept trying, kept holding space — deserved something in return for that. 

Like any relationship, sometimes there needs to be repair. 

That’s where our ‘Uniquely You’ tool comes in. The Hoʻoponoʻono prayer is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness built around four simple phrases: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. We use it here as a quiet moment where your inner critic gets to turn toward your self-compassionate self and make things right. 

You can try it right now: 

1. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. 

2. Close your eyes and take a gentle breath in through the nose, and out through the nose. 

3. From your inner critic, silently say to your self-compassionate self: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. 

4. Stay here, repeating the mantra for as much or as little as you need. Then gently open your eyes and come back to the space. 

The brochure still isn’t published. But I wrote the words.  

Creating something from the deepest part of yourself is a different kind of vulnerable. No gold star exists for it. No teacher hands it out. There’s just you, standing at the edge of something meaningful — and an inner critic who, it turns out, is just trying to keep you safe.  

The more I practice sitting beside it rather than fighting it, the more I trust that we’ll find our way through together. 

You can hear the full conversation unpacking what we’ve learnt from Kristin and Carol two years on, in this week’s episode. Just hit play when you're ready.