Why we need each other now

Have you noticed how quickly gender conversations turn into battles we can’t seem to win? She said this, he did that, who has it worse, who should apologize first. Round and round we go—while the problems facing our world keep mounting.

“Humanity is in a precarious position,” explained Sarah Wilson—multi New York Times bestselling author and social philosopher—when she joined us recently on the podcast. “One of the main factors that determines whether a civilization falls or not is the level of inequality and fragmentation within the society at the time.”

The threats ahead of us—climate crisis, AI, economic instability—are ones none of us can solve alone. They demand exactly what fragmentation destroys: our ability to cooperate, communicate, and work together. And right now, the gender divide is burning through that capacity faster than we realize. “When we have the vast number of men and women at each other’s throats at this juncture in history,” Sarah said, “It is a terrifying proposition.”

Why We’re Stuck

When threats feel too big and diffuse to name, it’s human nature to look for someone to blame. There is little point in getting angry at AI. You can’t argue with the economy. But, you can get mad at the women who are leaving you behind. And, you can give up on men who you think aren’t doing their work.

What makes these fights so sticky is that the grievances aren’t imagined. There’s some truth on both sides.

But once we’re locked in — your suffering versus mine, who should apologize first — we’re trapped in a zero-sum game.

Sarah explained that complex game theorists call this a Moloch scenario—after a god who demanded people sacrifice their child to win on the battlefield. “And of course, that’s an impossible fix,” Sarah said, “Because you want the win on the battlefield to save your own children, yet you’ve got to sacrifice your child to get that. It’s this stuck place where we’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t.”

So how do we free our energy from the zero-sum gender wars? Not by hating the players, but by changing the game.

Embracing The Mess

“The blame game has to stop,” explained Sarah. “We need to be communicating, cooperating, and working as a collective to solve some of the very complex problems on our plate.”

Sarah acknowledges that while this can sound a little idealistic - just be nice to each other - it is the only way forward. “Humans have only ever been able to operate successfully when there is a balance between individual pursuits and collective cooperation,” she explained.

This isn’t about setting gender issues aside because bigger problems are looming. The harm is real. The work still needs to happen. But we can only solve these challenges by working through hard conversations together — which is also how we build the capacity to face everything else.

While this may sound simple enough, Sarah cautions that in reality care and compassion tend to be messy. “There’s no flowchart. Embrace the fact that you don’t have all the answers, and that you’re going to get things wrong. It’s often in the getting it wrong and learning and growing alongside each other that we eventually find the best solutions.”

What might this look like in practice?

Try this: Whether at your dinner table, in a team meeting, or online:

• Speak honestly about what you’re seeing and feeling around a difficult topic — be it gender-based challenges or anything else - without pretending to have all the answers.

• Own your limitations by acknowledging where your biases might be coloring your perspective, and genuinely invite others to share different perspectives so we can all learn and grow together.

• Stay and engage respectfully—even with those who disagree. Be clear about what’s okay and what’s not, but don’t give up because things get uncomfortable.

Because here’s the thing: the gender war isn’t just exhausting. It’s costing us our capacity to face what’s ahead. Every time we choose curiosity over blame, we’re not just having a better conversation. We’re practicing the skills our future depends on.

Listen and learn more

You can hear our full conversation with Sarah in the podcast above.

For more of Sarah’s work, join her community at This Precious Life on Substack, and look out for her new book I Eat The Stars coming May 2026.