Can You Trust Yourself Before Anyone Else?

Have you ever assumed that feeling secure was something other people had to give you — a parent who showed up consistently, a partner who reassures you — and wondered what it would take to feel that way on your own?  

According to Sue Marriott, a clinical social worker and co-author of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, that assumption is worth questioning. 

When we spoke for this week’s podcast she explained that we're all wired with two circuits: a protection circuit that switches on to keep us safe, and a connection circuit that helps us bond and trust. Most of us think about these two circuits only in terms of our relationships with other people. But they run our relationship with ourselves just as much. 

That's the shift we talk about after this conversation: learning to spot the moment our nervous system moves from connection into protection, and using that awareness to learn how to trust ourselves — instead of doubting ourselves, being hard on ourselves, or quietly abandoning what we need to keep someone else comfortable. 

Secure attachment doesn't have to start with a parent or a partner. It can start with us. 

Visit www.therapistuncensored.com for more from Sue, or grab a copy of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World.